Week 6; Keep the Peace With Your Parents

Opening Joke

Something along the lines of (same, same, but different!):

Dear Mum

I thought I had better write to you about a couple of problems I'm having at school this term. Last week half of the boarding house burned down. But don't worry too much because I'm now living in a flat in the village. I'm living with Frank the plumber. There's no need to worry, he's very nice, in fact I'm three months pregnant with his baby. We're planning to get married at the end of term. 
Love Sarah

Next day, another letter from Sarah......

Dear Mum

I know you will be worrying about yesterday's letter so I thought I should write to you again. Mum the boarding house didn't really burn down last week and I'm not living in a flat in the village. In fact I'm not even pregnant with Frank's baby and we're not getting married at the end of term. Mum, the real problem is that I failed my mid year exams really badly and I just wanted you to see this problem in proper prospective, All my Love,
Sarah.

THAT PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE IS SO IMPORTANT!

Culture

We live in a culture where those who are aged are sidelined, whereas the young are given increasingly more responsibility. Boundaries are unclear, and often (one of the worst things children can) hear is "I'm very disappointed in you". 

Karin Ling

Karin was interviewed about her journey of faith, from when she asked Jesus to be her "special friend" aged 5, to deciding as a teenager that she was no longer interest, but her parents indicated that she should attend youth group til the age of 16, so she sat there and scowled. Her parents trusted that God had a bigger plan as Karin became focused/driven on success/money and gained a place at a competitive university, where after 4 weeks, without the distraction of friends, she decided she had to face up to things, and thanks her Mum to love/accept her whatever choices she made, which included leaving University. Having made a recommitment, she now uses her own experience to help others.

J.John: "This is the hardest commandment for me"

"Have you seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding?... Well, it's worse than that in reality!"

"My mum is a travel agent for guilt trips". 

If parents expect SO MUCH we feel we can't possibly live up to them - no matter how good we are, there's always room for improvement!

Thoughts on Family Life

• Child when asked "My name begins with M, I pick things up": Mother
• The father carries a photo where his money used to be.
• Teenagers: "Stop asking where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going."
• We encourage the kids to show off, then tell them to "Sit down and shut up".

God's Perspective/4 Principles

The commandment "Honour your father and mother" is a positive focus  on the smallest unit in society. 

1. Honour my parents by ACCEPTING them.
   Don't tune them out, don't highlight the negatives.
   God is not asking us to pretend that are parents are perfect when they're not.
2. Honour my parents by APPRECIATING them
   Appreciate the effort that your parents put in is difficult/costly.
   Son presented bill for £1 per job, mother presented bill of £1000s in return, but the final total was "I love you". 
   Mothers can direct air traffic control, whereas children are expensive but can operate the DVD!
3. Honour my parents by AFFIRMING them
   This is the only commandment which doesn't last a lifetime, a day will come when you can no longer make amends - and no amount of expense at the funeral will be equal to that of a visit whilst their alive.
4. Honour my parents by NOT ABANDONING them
   As parents age, offer support in practical ways.

A Message to Kids: The commandment is not "Humour your mother and father"

• "I hate my parents": Sometimes we hate you too... 
  
• You may hate it when parents repeat thing,.... if do it first time, we wouldn't have to. Acknowledge that you've heard by saying "I got it".
  
• Play your part in the family, Dad is not 'the old man'
• Teenagers are experts on surveys of one: "Everyone else is doing it"
• Mark Twain quote
• We get parents at so late a stage in their life that it's impossible to change their habits!

A Message for Parents

• Think about what example you are setting, more likely to be honoured.
• The perfect model for parenting: God - treat our kids as God treats us.

1. God listens to us
   Teenagers often complain that they can say what they like at home as no one's listening anyway!
2. God understands us
   A carpenter works WITH, not AGAINST the grain. 
   Give your kids roots and wings...
   Are we perfect? NO, but God accepts us through grace, treat our kids the same, not as though our standards are automatically the best.
   Teachers can teach kids to count, parents can teach their children WHAT COUNTS.
   Demonstrate honesty, admit when you've done something wrong.
   Do/don't do as you've said, even if it's difficult.
3. God loves us
   Offer affection, affirmation and attention (how often do you just sit and let them set the agenda?)
   The average time parents spend talking to their children is 15 MINUTES A WEEK!
   It's easier to build children than to mend broken adults.
   If you don't live by priorities, you end up living by pressures. 
4. God disciplines his children
   "I love you, but sometimes I don't like your beahviour."
   Often people tie up the dog at night, but let their children run free. 
   Discipline offers a structure of safety until the children has enough structure in character to stand up on their own. 
   Parents discipline best when they exhibit disciplined behaviour of their own.

Rules for Home

Be 

• Fair
• Firm
• Fun

Be there!

A challenge for J John
Requirement to assume that forgiveness does not mean forgetting, and it's possible to forgive without dulling the pain (of 51 years of nagging!), but does remove the resentment!

Required to pardon, give up anger, show mercy/compassion. 

Forgiveness is about building positive in the present without repeating the past. 

God's Family

God gave up his Son so that we could be adopted into God's family. Whatever our experience of family, he will be the perfect Father. 

God loves each one of us as though there was only one of us.

As Jesus walked through a crowded street he asked "Who touched me?", which his disciples thought was a crazy question, but Jesus could feel that there was ONE person reaching out to make contact with him. J. John believes that Jesus knew who this person was, but wanted her to articulate it (i.e. the power of prayer).  In response, Jesus will stop as he's longing to embrace/adopt you.

Embrace God, the past is past, don't try to saw sawdust, with his help, move forward and become what you CAN BECOME.

Tonight: "Catch Your Breath", see Just10Winchester